Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts


I like to collect the things I hear around our home and share them with you occasionally. They're a little glimpse into my everyday life. Here's my latest collection:

 YES, WE ARE WINNING AT HOMESCHOOL:

 Sarah (6) and I read about the birthplace of western civilization for history in homeschool. My parents came for lunch, and being a good homeschooling mom, I felt the need to prove that we're actually learning something.
Me: Sarah, tell Papa about the two rivers we learned about today.
Sarah: I don't remember.
Me: [not giving up] There was the Tigris and the . . . 
Sarah: The Eur-penis?
Me: [after recovering] It's the Euphrates!
. . .

 Recounting her field trip to the creamery:
Me: "So, tell me how they milk all those cows."
Sarah: "Well, they attach these pumps to their thingies . . . what are they called?"
Me: "Udders"
Sarah: "Yeah. They attach the pumps to the gutters . . . "

 . . .

 Anna leaks random bits of information that proves she is actually listening.
Anna [four]: "One day, this guy broke off his ear." [talking about Van Gogh]

 . . .
Anna: "How do you say hello in English?"
Me: "Hello . . . ?"
Anna: "No, in English."
Me: "That is English."
Anna: "So I speak English?"
Me: "Yup."


SOCIALIZATION:
Anna (4): [to Mom and Dad smooching] "Stop! You're married already."
Me: "You're supposed to kiss when you get married."
. . . 

Lily the lamb was banished to the top shelf of the built-ins because she became a source of sibling discord.
Sarah: "Mom, can I have Lily the little lamb? I LOVE her!"
Me: "You can't have her if you love her more than your sister."
Sarah: "I love her as much as my sister."
Me: "No, you have to love your sister more."
Sarah: "Okay . . . I love my sister more. Now can I have her?"

. . .

 Anna: [coming downstairs after a meltdown] "When I come down from my room I say sorry to mom."
Me: "I forgive you Anna."

 . . . 


 SHAKE MY HEAD:

 Anna comes downstairs on a rainy Sunday afternoon after taking a long nap in her footie pajamas.
Anna: "Why don't you make me take a nap every day mom?"
Me: "What do you think I've been doing the last four years of your life!"

. . . 

Anna: "Can I stay up and play a game?"
Me: "Did you take a nap today?"
Anna: "No."
Dad: "Then it's only fair that you go to bed now."
Anna: "No, that's not fair. . . Well, yes it's fair."

. . .

 Me: "Anna where are your pants?"
Anna: "Oh. I forgot dem."

. . . 

Anna: [shirtless and holding her orange toothbrush] "Hey, I didn't know I could scrub my back with this."

 . . .
Dad: [To a child in the middle of a conversation of why we should listen to our parents.]
"Who gave birth to you? Your Mommy and I did! I mean mommy . . . but I watched!"

. . . 

Anna: "Mom, mom! I accidentally drew on Sarah's wall."
Me: "How did that happen?!"
Sarah: "I gave her a marker and I thought she would use it for a microphone."

 . . . 


 BACKSEAT DISCIPLESHIP:

 Anna: "Why do you talk about 'helpful'?"
Me: "Cause I need lots of help!"
Anna: "I don't need any help."
Me: "Why?"
Anna: "Cause I have God."
Me: "That's right. God gives us the Holy Spirit and calls Him the Helper. But don't you think God wants us to help each other too?"
Anna: "Yeah"

  . . .

Anna: [whining] "Mommy, I can't ride my scooter because the bar is too highhhh!"
Me: "What could you do about that?" [trying to prompt her to ask instead of whine]
Anna: "Ask God??"

. . .

 Anna: [sung to the tune of "Ever Be"] "Your praise will never be on my lips, never be on my lips . . ."

. . .

 INDOORSY:

Me: "When are you going to start using the mud kitchen again?
Sarah: "When we're a little older and we like bugs."
So probably never . . . 

. . . 

Anna: [running into the house from outside] "Mom, come see something really cool!"
Me: "What is it?"
Anna: "It's a dead bird!"

. . . 

Sarah chases Anna and sprinkles water on her head.
Anna: "Stop! This is my favorite head!!"

. . . 

PLAY ON WORDS

Me: "What rhymes with ham?"
Anna: "Hippo!!"

. . . 

Anna: "Hey, CHICKEN and CHICK-fil-A rhymes!!!"

. . . 

Anna: [singing] "My name is Spreadaletta. Spreadaletta Guess."

 . . .

Anna on the use of "my dear" (after Mommy used it):
"I like 'my dear' because it's good for when you're going on a trip or a date or you're going to a coronation."

. . .
Anna: "Does my tongue look like a sled?"

. . . 

Me: "Would you like a whole bagel?"
Anna: "No, I would like two halves."
. . .
Is this not a thing? (Maybe I'm the only one that thinks this is funny).
POTTY RULES

Anna: "I accidentally dropped a lego person in the toilet and flushed it."
Me; "Are you supposed to have legos on the potty?!?"
Anna: "Don't tell Dad."
Me: "Next time, don't flush it. You have to fish it out if you drop it in."
Anna: "Well, I was flushing, and then  I dropped it."

. . . 

Me: "We do NOT nap on the potty"
(unnamed): "I just want to rest my back!"

 What's been heard around YOUR house lately? I'd love to hear it.


For more "heard around here" posts, you can also check out:

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY FOUR YEAR OLD: VOLUME 3





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Heard Around Here: Volume 4

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My kiddos (mostly the four-year-old) have said some pretty funny things over the last few months. I jotted them down so I could share some of with you.

. . . 

 Anna (four years old): "Can I have some honey mustard for my apples?"

. . .

Anna: "My stomach hurts. It has a headache."

. . .

Anna: "Mom, how do you say 'I love you"?
Me: "I . . . love . . . you . . . ?"
Anna: "Thanks."

 . . .

 Me: "What's your favorite color?"
Anna: "Jelly beans!"

 . . .

 Me: "Why did you punch your brother's chest?"
Anna: "I thought he was a drum."

 . . .

 Anna: [handing me pebbles] "Take these and save them for the baby when he gets teeth."

 . . .
Anna: "I'm going to let my baby stay up early tonight."

. . . 

Me: "What do you want to do for you birthday?" [which was in April]
Anna: "Celebrate Christmas!"

. . . 

Anna: [at dance class where she previously fell, got bloody lip, and chipped her front tooth] "Remember when some kids were swinging on those chairs and there was blood?
Me: "If by 'kids' you mean you, then yes."

. . . 

Anna: [wearing a medal on a ribbon] "I got this medal cause we're done fighting the civil war." [I think that's the only war she's heard about.]

. . . 

Anna: [not wanting to get dressed] "I'm just going to be make-ed (naked) all day."

. . . 

Anna: "I'm going to obey now. Sometimes four year olds make bad choices."
Why yes, yes they do.

 . . . 

Anna: [On the way home in the car] "I have to go peepee."
Me: "How much longer can you wait?"
Anna: "About two more seconds."

. . .

 Anna: [mad at her sister]: "I don't like you. You're a duck. A watermelon duck!"
At least that's the worst she could think of.
Anna: "Eiffel tower and townhouse rhymes!!" [so excited]

. . . 

Me: [to Anna after getting a toy for Silas] "Anna, you have inner sweetness, don't you?"
Anna: [with a saintly expression] "Yes, I have lots of baby toys in my heart . . . I will rub his head with my foot."

 . . . 

 Daddy: [to Anna] "Anna come snuggle with us."
Anna: [hand out] "I don't have a choice!"

 . . . 

 Anna: "I drew on the wall with a pencil."
Anna: [five minutes later after cleaning the wall off with wipes] "I accidenally drew on the floor . . . but I'm sorry!"

 . . . 

 [on the way to Mamo's house]
Anna: 'They have water right?"
Me: "You mean inside water?"
Anna: "Yes, in case I get thirsty."
Me: "Yes . . . Do you know anyone who doesn't have water?"
Anna: "No."

 . . .

 [After a post-dining-out talk about trying to have our best manners at restaurants so the servers don't have to clean up our messes.]
Anna: "Well there was ice on the floor and I ate it, so that means I cleaned it up."

 . . . 

 Anna: [Singing this song, which helped them learn the books of the Old Testament] "Genesis,  Exodus, Legenesis, numbers .  . ."

 . . . 

 Anna: "Mom are you edible for cheese?"
Some questions I just don't know how to answer. I think she was referring to my lactose intolerance.
. . . 

 Anna: "When I drink water it reminds me I want to be a queen, a queen and a mommy."

 . . . 

 Anna: [to Daddy] "I love you in the morning Daddy."

 . . . 

 Anna has been talking Sarah into doing crazy things for her. The other day she had her use a gel pen for eyeliner. Today she had paint on her arm and face.

 Me: "Sarah why is there paint on Anna's arm and face?"
Sarah: "Oh, that was an accident." [Incredulous look from me]. "Well, the face was an accident, but she asked me to give her a tattoo on her arm." 

 . . . 

 Anna bumped her chin on the corner of our island and had a little scrape.
Me: "Sarah, what did Anna do?"
Sarah: "I don't know--I wasn't watching."
Anna: "I wasn't watching either!!"

 . . . 

 Sarah has just started reading small chapter books and is very excited.
Sarah: "Reading is my life!"

 . . . 

 Sarah: [to me wearing a flowered skirt] "Mom, your shirt is pretty. Your skirt is really . . . interesting. It's like a bunch of zebras running past. I learned that on Wild Kratts."

. . . 

 Sarah: [while cleaning the homeschool room where she has rest time] "I feel like a piece of trash. I feel like a piece of trash in the garbage. That's how I feel about having to clean this room.
Well, thanks for the honesty darling.

 . . .  

 Anna: [picking up an acorn at the park]: "I'm going to take this home and science it!"

. . .

Me [to screaming Silas]: "It's just a nap kiddo--not medieval torture."

 . . . 

Daddy: [to Anna] "Butter is not designed to be eaten as a separate meal." 

. . . 

And here's one more from last week when we were watching the US Open with Daddy. I put this forth as evidence that we actually are influencing our kids in ways we don't even realize. More is caught than taught.

 Anna: "I want to eat dinner down here so we can watch golf."




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Conversations with my four year old: Volume 3

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More from my middle child (If you missed the first installment, you can check it out here):

. . .

Anna: "My little girl needs to be feeded. She likes her mommy's bottle." (And proceeds to sit on the rocking chair next to mine and nurse her baby just like mommy).

. . .

Anna: "What's that smell in the air? Oh, I forgot. It's my baby. She pooped in her diaper." (Three year olds love the word "poop.")

. . .

Anna: (Before bed.) "I need to blow my nose."
(Walks past the bathroom and goes downstairs, and then returns to bed. Daddy tucks her in and finds a play cell phone stuffed in her pants.)
Me: (After I recover from a fit of laughter) "Why did you need your phone?"
Anna: "I need to know the time." (Says the child that doesn't know her numbers).

. . .

Sarah (big sis): (Arguing over the toys the baby is playing with) "Anna, let him bang it himself!"
Anna: "I already ate!"

while Big Sis does homeschool
. . .

Anna: (Looking at Sarah's picture of a flamingo and noticing the bent foot) "That looks like a four!"
Me: (Very excited that she recognized the number four) "Great Anna!!!"
Anna: "Yeah. Four can be for elephant. No, elephant starts with "l" for "el."
It's a start . . .

. . .

Anna: (holding her paper plate in the back seat of the car) "This looks like a drive thingy."
Me: (seizing a teachable moment) "You mean a steering wheel."
Anna: "No."
Me: "That's what it's called."
Anna: "No. That's not what it is"


 . . .

Me: "Anna, you need to eat one more thing for breakfast--a banana, yogurt . . . "
Anna: "I'll have a cookie."

. . .

Anna: "I hear footprints up in the house."

. . .

Anna: "Sarah gave me hanitizer" (hand sanitizer).

. . .

(After watching the woodpecker episode on Wild Kratts and poking her brother's head repeatedly with her finger)
Anna: "My hand was like a woodpecker!"
Me: "Anna, if you want to poke something, poke wood, not your brother's head."

. . .

While playing outside at a friend's house:
Anna: "Mom, my pants are wet."
Me: "That's okay. We can change them when we get home."
Anna: "I fell in some water."
. . . pause while I observe said pants.
Me: "Anna, did you pee your pants?!"
Anna: "Yes."

Spring means the mud kitchen is open again!



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Conversations with my three year old: Volume 2

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I love observing people and popular trends, and Instagram is one of my favorite places to do that. I'm not super trendy myself and if I do hop on a trend it's probably an awkward hop on the back of the train as it leaves the station. It took me forever to buy skinny jeans. I like trends, but just have never felt cool enough to join in immediately.

So in the mean time, I will observe from the sidelines . . . and document with doodles:





And in the print design world:



Illustrations: trend watch

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Well, baby brother has finally arrived and we are loving him! Silas James was born last week and we are all in the throes of adjusting to life with five, each in our own way. We are keeping a newborn's sleeping schedule and spending lots of time staring at this sweet face. It's noon and
I'm still in jammies as I write and nurse this guy. The girls are watching Wild Kratts, their current favorite,



My now-middle child has a special place in my heart. She's my snuggler. She dips her apples in ketchup and hummus, and is nearly always the last to finish her food at meals. Conversations with a three-year-old can be some of the most entertaining. They're just old enough to express their funny take on the world around them.



Here are a few conversations with this dear soul:

Responding to Daddy's comment about his mother. "You have a MOM!?"

--

Anna: "Mom, does your name start with four?"

--

Overheard in the back seat:
[Anna snagging her sister's Ariel doll]
Big Sis: "Anna give me Ariel!"
[Anna licks Ariel's face and then hands her over.]
Big Sis: "Eww! Why did you lick her face?"
Anna: "She needed some lotion."

--

Anna: "Mom I need your phone because I don't want a paper phone."
Me: "No."
Anna: "Okay."

--

Anna: "When is the baby coming?"
Me: "After Christmas."
Anna: "But we already have our tree up."
(the concept of a season vs. a special celebration day is confusing to them.)

--

Hospital greeter/chaplain: "What's your baby's name going to be?"
Anna: "Olaf!"
Greeter: "Can you sing the songs from Frozen?"
Anna: "Watch out for my butt!!"
Greeter: (to me) "You're training them well, I see."

--

Anna: "Mom I'm hot. Can you turn the fire on?"
Me: "No, not if you're hot."
Anna: "I'm cold."

--

Me: "Guys we need to pray for our friend Joel to feel better."
Anna: (running upstairs) "Okay I'm going to go to my bed and pray."

--

Observing Daddy tying my shoes on swolen feet: "That's why your PRE-GA-NENT."





Baby Silas & Conversations with my three year old

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