Marydean Draws: Jesus

Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts

As some of us celebrate Lent and as Easter Sunday approaches, I want to meditate on a few verses and share a screensaver image for your phone.

"For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, "This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me." For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." (1Corinthians 11:23-26 ESV)

"If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31-39 ESV)

Today's screensaver from 1 Corinthians 11:24 (KJV version) is available in Spanish and English. You can click on the images below and save to your phone.

PRAYING the Word

Can it be? Make it a reality to my heart,

That no one can be against me when you are already for me.

That you have already given me everything precious and good.

That nothing has been withheld from me, your dear child.

That no one can condemn me, because the judge has already justified me.

That nothing I could imagine, no pain or distress or trouble, present or future, could ever separate me from your love.

That, in you, victory is assured. And not just a close victory--a decisive, overwhelming one.

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April 3, 2019

Broken for you 1 Corinthians 11:24 phone screensaver in Spanish and English

When you think of God, do you think of His infinite joy, and the delight he takes in his good creation, including you?

I'm slowly reading through Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy.** You'll probably be hearing a lot about it here as I work through it.

I was reading this week about how God is characterized by joy. Willard writes,

"Undoubtedly, [God] is the most joyous being in the universe. The abundance of his love and generosity is inseparable from his infinite joy. All of the good and beautiful things from which we occasionally drink tiny droplets of soul-exhilarating joy, God continuously experiences in all their breadth and depth and richness."

Imagine the way your heart swells at the sight of some beautiful created thing--your child's laugh, a starry night, the profile of your loved one, or just a tiny brilliant blue wildflower. That's just a taste of the joy our all-seeing Creator God experiences continually (and our delight reflects how we are made in his image, right?).

I was illustrating this verse yesterday for a new set of Advent coloring pages:

"He [Jesus] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together." (Colossians 1:15-17, ESV)

Now imagine the joy of the Trinity, the Son holding all things together, all things made through Him and for Him. The Father delighting in the Son and His Creation. The Spirit pouring out God's love into our hearts, taking what is Jesus' and declaring it to us (see Romans 5:5 and John 16:14).

The Trinity is not stingy with its joy. Father, Son, and Spirit invite us in:

"If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." (John 15:10-11 ESV)

I know this all might sound "up in the clouds," but Willard argues that what and how we think about God is essential for life right now. He writes, "To trust in God, we need a rich and accurate way of thinking and speaking about him to guide and support our life vision and our will."

I'm praying we understand Him better today and in Him, find great joy and purpose.

Today's screensaver is from a little square painting I did for an Instagram challenge last month and the words of Psalm 16:11 (I've illustrated a Scripture card freebie of this verse before here). You can download your screensaver by saving the image below.*

p.s. I'm listening to Lauren Daigle's new album, are you?

PRAYING the Word

Father, help me see you clearly. Help me look up when life is overwhelming and dark. Spirit, reveal the riches of the Father to me and the "inexpressible gift" of God's grace that gives me "all sufficiency in all things at all times" so that I can "abound in every good work" (2 Corinthians 9:8).

QUESTIONS to consider:

1. Do you think of God as being filled with joy?

2. What does God take joy in? (see also Psalm 18:19; Zephaniah 3:17)

3. How does the truth about God's joy and delight affect you today?

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! Use for Bible studies, church groups or events, and Sunday school classes are all fine! If you're in doubt, I'm happy to answer any questions. All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

**affiliate link. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

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October 3, 2018

The joy of God + a Psalm 16:11 Screensaver

I don't have a lot to write about today's art. It's enough just to meditate on these words of Jesus and the prophet Isaiah.

Jesus was forsaken by the Father for us, so that we would never have to taste forsakenness.
The Father turned His back on the Son as He bore our sins, an unimaginable disruption in the Trinity, so that God would never turn His back on us and our sins.

Meditate on these words when you feel unloved.

Meditate on these words when you wonder if Jesus would still have you come to Him in your state.

Meditate on these words when you find life dissatisfying.

My prayer is that this would lead you to worship Him, no matter your circumstances today. Like this song says, "Now my soul cries out Hallelujah."

You can download today's Bible verse coloring page is from Matthew 27:46 and Isaiah 53:3-4 HERE or by clicking on the image below.*

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April 5, 2017

Forsaken for me + Matthew 27:46 and Isaiah 53:3-4 coloring page

"Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David." (Isaiah 55:1-3 ESV)

You know what I am confident that Jesus has to say to you right now?

Come.

That's what I hear Him speaking to my heart these days, and it's the message all over Scripture.

Creator God walks through the garden in the cool of the day, a garden now spoiled for His creatures by their own rebellion. God comes walking, and His creatures hide, thinking their nakedness and rebellious hearts are hidden from His sight (Genesis 3:8-9).

We are hiders, aren't we? We are fearful of His presence and His glory. We are wary of the light because "men love darkness" and light exposes our evil hearts (John 3:19).

I myself have every excuse for not coming:

My prayer life is a wreck. And what devotional life? Where do I even start?

Come. Let’s talk. Learn from me.

My life is chaos. If it would just calm down, then I could come.

Come.
Come poor and needy.

Come weak and wavering.

Come failing and distracted.

Come thirsty and hungry.

God can't possibly speak into this situation. Surely, He can't be what I need right now.
Come to me. Find rest in ME (Matthew 11:28-29). I am the bread of life. I am the living water. I have the words of life that you need.

Even in his dying hours on the cross, the hours that paid our debt and set us free, Jesus was still saying, "Come."

"One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, "Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!" But the other rebuked him, saying, "Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong." And he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." And he said to him, "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise."" (Luke 23:39-43 ESV)

Two men next to my Jesus. One hid from his own sins and hurled hate. One admitted his need and came to Jesus for saving.

Jesus did not equivocate or lecture in response to the asking. Jesus does not withhold Himself from those who ask:

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:8-11 ESV)

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16 ESV)

We can draw near to God with boldness and confidence because we know the greatness of the Savior and the finality of His work. Any hesitancy to draw near to God is on our part, not His.

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20 ESV)

The deceiver crafts intricate and deceiving lies tailored to our weaknesses to keep us from coming to Jesus. Father, reveal the truth to our hearts through your Spirit.

Oh that we would know the breadth of God’s love for us. I love how this song captures this.

The thief crucified on Jesus' side could have thought of every excuse not to come to Jesus—too little, too late, too shameful, too much pain. But he humbled himself and simply came, and was taken in for eternity.

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 1:24-25 ESV)

"The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price." (Rev 22:17 ESV)

Today's printable Bible verse coloring page is from some of these final words of Jesus on the cross in Luke 23:42-43. You can download your page HERE in English or HERE in Spanish or by clicking on the images below.*

PRAYING the Word

Jesus, you are "the water of life without price." Ruin us for anything but your yourself. May we have "strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that [we] may be filled with all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 3:18-19 ESV). Thank you, thank you, that you are always knocking on our wayward and stubborn hearts, always saying come. Glorious Jesus, we love you.

QUESTIONS to consider:

1. What lies keep you from coming to Jesus?

2. What truth does the pattern of Scripture have to say to you?

Other printables you could use for Lent/Good Friday/Easter:
THE MANDATUM NOVUM + LOVE ONE ANOTHER COLORING PAGE (for Maundy Thursday)
EASTER SCRIPTURE PRINTABLE COLORING ACTIVITY PAGE (Isaiah 53:6)

SCRIPTURE COLORING PAGE PRINTABLES: AS IN ADAM & FOR BY GRACE

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March 29, 2017

Come + Luke 23:42-43 Bible coloring page (English + Spanish)

The Greatest Gifts Already Given Christmas Box Printable Marydean Draws

I know it looks like I've gotten my blog posts all mixed up and have skipped Thanksgiving, but I promise this is right on time!

I have a very vivid memory of one Christmas as a child. I must have been in about third grade. It was evening on Christmas day and I was curled up in the corner of my bedroom feeling completely deflated. It hadn't been magical. The gifts I got were nice, but maybe slightly disappointing (I don't remember them). I hadn't fully celebrated this day and now I'd have to wait a whole year to try again!

Then a song came over the radio, something about Jesus. A spark of joy returned. A truth to set my emotions on began to take root: Jesus is always something to celebrate.

With all the hype and build-up swirling around us this next month, how can we slow down our hearts and fix our eyes on the One who never disappoints?

In Jesus, we have great joy.
In Jesus, we have purpose (to know Him and make Him known).
In Jesus, we have peace (through His Spirit: John 14:27).
In Jesus, we have rest (Matthew 11:28-30).
In Jesus, we have comfort and help (John 14:26).
In Jesus, we have hope.
In Jesus, we have love.
In Jesus, we have unending grace and forgiveness.

Instead of gifts under our Christmas tree, a few years ago we started putting a little box that says "the greatest gift has already been given." That's all we put under the tree until Christmas morning when we put the kids' actual presents out. They love stuff (any stuff really), and presents are the topic of conversation basically all year, so this has helped to not feed that obsession. It was a really simple physical reminder for us.

This year, I made a printable "greatest gifts" treasure box for you to print already colored or to color yourself. The box shows the the Trinity, a symbol for the new heart and new Spirit (Ezekiel 36:26) God gives, and a symbol for the gift of being made part of God's family and the Church (Romans 12:4-5; John 1:12).

I've been thinking about how God, in His triune self, has always given us . . . Himself. He gives Himself as our Father and King. He gives Himself as the Son, the sacrifice and Redeemer. And He gives His Holy Spirit to dwell in us, to teach, and to comfort us (John 14:26).

There's something so beautiful about the doctrine of the Trinity, and all three Persons at work as One for our good that astounds me in a way I didn't understand in earlier years.

By the way, I don't think we should shy away from talking about the Trinity with our kids just because it's hard to grasp. The element of faith has to come in (a God-given element). Rather than delve into complicated analogies, I like to explain the doctrine of the trinity in simple terms ("God is One God in three persons. He's not three gods, but three persons, each with a different job or role, but all one or unified. God in three Persons is how He has always existed."). Then I like to point out any time we see the "persons" of God in Scripture working together. I even make a little trinity mark (like a triangle) next to any such reference in my Bible. We use the Good News Story cards from my Etsy shop for Bible memory and many of those verses show the persons of the Trinity at work (such as John 1:1,3-4; John 1:14; John 14:6; John 14:26; Matthew 28:19-20).

I'll post some photos on my Instagram account of our boxes in action after my kiddos do theirs in the next week or so! I printed mine on white cardstock. The box folds together simply and only requires a few pieces of tape (or can be glued together).

You can download the black and white box template HERE.

You can download the full-color box template HERE. (usage below*)

One last thing!

I feel like it's so hard to get to know someone over the internet, so I decided to make a completely awkward and unedited video just for you to close out my blogging year. (By the way, I do wear make-up and wash my hair occasionally, but today wasn't one of the days). So, just pretend you're sitting cross-legged on the carpet with me in my living room while the baby blasts his toy truck, and we'll chat over a cup of coffee . . .

Oh, and happy thanksgiving too! I'm thankful for you.

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! All artwork and photos are ã Marydean Draws. Please share freely by posting a link back to this blog post. Please don't repost the actual file. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

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Christmas printables in the shop:

November 24, 2015

Merry (early) Christmas + The Greatest Gifts Treasure Box Printable

For those of us who struggle with anxiety, the simplest situations send us into a tailspin of worry. For example, occasionally, I get a phone call or text on Sunday morning saying that someone is unable to serve with the children at church and we need to find a replacement. This used to make me very anxious, but God has been graciously working on my response to situations like these in the last few years.

I'm trying to read through John during my quiet time. Quiet time for me has been difficult to carve out for a long time. Right now, it's before bed since I'm a terrible morning person (and I figure God is happy to meet me any time).

I read this account the other night:

"After this Jesus went away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. 2 And a large crowd was following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick. 3 Jesus went up on the mountain, and there he sat down with his disciples.4 Now the Passover, the feast of the Jews, was at hand. 5 Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” 6 He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. 7 Philip answered him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread would not be enough for each of them to get a little.” 8 One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, 9 “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?” 10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, about five thousand in number. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, andwhen he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost.” 13 So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves left by those who had eaten." John 6:1-15

I love that Jesus knows exactly what He will do to feed to oncoming crowd, but He takes the opportunity to test Philip and the other disciples. He is always training them to trust Him and know Him better.

The disciples have been walking with Jesus for some time now and have seen him change the water into wine, preach, and heal the sick, but there remains a disconnect between what they have witnessed and what they actively believe and act on in moments of "faith opportunities."

They walk with the bread of life Himself, so simple physical bread should be a snap.

"Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." John 6:35

But instead of saying, "Jesus, I know you've got this covered. Tell us what to do," the disciples calculate. They think in terms of money and numbers.

They look at what's in front of them instead of WHO is with them.

Instead of shaking his head at their slow-to-believe-hearts, Jesus graciously feeds the needy crowd so they can stick around and hear His teaching.

I too have walked with Jesus and seen him provide again and again, yet the simplest situation can throw me into a dizzying scramble for solutions. Calculations, figuring, planning. I forget that I walk with the Bread of life. I can talk with the Counselor. The Mighty God has my right hand.

Our God comes through greater than we expect, greater than we even know to ask. Whatever situation--small or big--you face today, remember Him. Maybe it's as small as my Sunday morning phone call, or maybe it's a much bigger deal.

Let this be an opportunity to fall on God's faithfulness and exercise your trust in Him. Stop scrambling and instead tell Jesus, "I know you've got this covered. Tell me what to do."

The answer may simply be, "Just watch."

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September 30, 2015

An opportunity to trust

You know how you read God's Word, but it doesn't really sink in? You're thinking, I know this is really profound, but it just isn't changing my life right now. What am I doing wrong? I feel like that a lot. But God's Word is not a dead book for me to figure out all by myself:

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

God can take something that's been planted in my heart (however shallow) through simply reading and meditating and--BAM--apply it just when I need Him to speak.

Yesterday God brought to mind something from the 1st Chapter of Philippians that I've been reading. It has not been a stellar homemaking week: a little too much yelling, a lot of social media escapism, and my menu plan only made it to Thursday.

I have this idea that the model woman/mama always loves her role, enjoys her children, and never wishes she had another job . . . and I am not that model woman.

Maybe you're there, but in a different season. You really wished you enjoyed where God has you, but it's just hard.

First, can I remind you that there is no such thing as a "model woman"? Only God is good (Matthew 19:17). We all fall short. Only Jesus makes us holy and good through his blood and through his right-ness given as a gift through faith (which is also a gift--Ephesians 2:8-9). Breathe that in for a minute.

So I heart my amazing kids, and being at home (and homeschooling this year) makes sense right now for our finances and the life we live. But I don't always love it.

Paul wrote this to the Philippians:

"For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith." (Philippians 1:20b-25)

Paul's missionary life was far from rosy. He was persecuted, beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, imprisoned, and turned against by his church plants. He was constantly in prayer for his flock, and likened helping them grow to giving birth (without an epidural Galatians 4:19). Paul admits that it would be much easier to go and be with Jesus. But Paul knew that life was more about Jesus than anything else, and so was death. Death meant he'd be with Jesus; life meant he'd be serving Jesus.

Paul knew he was called to "fruitful labor" through the Spirit of Jesus in him, to working towards his disciples' "progress and joy in the faith." If that meant more years in his aging body and difficult calling, then he had no choice.

Like Paul, it's okay for us to long for relief from difficulty, to admit that it's hard. Even Jesus prayed for the "cup" of His death to pass by Him if there was another way (Matthew 26:39).

"And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36

As long as we're still HERE--wherever here is--there's "fruitful labor" for us. Life gets complicated and suffocating when we turn inward, becoming all about us. God cares about US, and the details of our lives, so trusting Him to order our days and lives is in our best interest! Paul understood (likely through many years of God's discipline) that life is about Jesus, and is only fully lived when oriented around Him.

Does that encourage you where you're at today? Wherever you are today:

There is labor in Jesus prepared for you to do (Ephesians 2:10).
There is a light burden and an easy yoke He is laying on you. Rest in Him (Matthew 11:28-30).
There is self to deny and a cross to take up and endure (Matthew 16:24).

Let's long for God's Kingdom fully come, all wrongs made right, and all broken things made whole--that's what we were made for! But here or there--our living is for Jesus.

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April 16, 2015

To live is Christ

In 2000, I had graduated and completed four years at a wonderfully small Christian college (Gardner-Webb University), full of cherished friends, late-night talks, movie nights with lots of M&M's . . . and, oh, a wonderful education too.

But they didn't let me stay once I finished my degree, so I was cruelly catapulted into the real world of student loans, work, and living in the dark corner of my parent's unfinished basement. For me, this was a recipe for depression.

My degree, honor society plaques, and good grades weren't the ticket to a career I expected them to be. I don't fault my degree or my education; I really didn't know what I wanted to do and didn't have much experience (other than working at Domino's: "Would you like chicken wings or breadsticks with that?" Once I asked, "Would you like chickensticks or breadwings with that?").

That year after college put me flat on my face, desperate and hungry for hope and purpose. I began to live on God's words, eating them up like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches after a long hike.

After a year of floundering (and starting an anti-depressant--I'm a fan of modern medicine in case you haven't heard me gush about epidurals), I pulled out an application I had stuffed in a drawer a year earlier and submitted to what I felt was God's call to work with the International Mission Board as a two-year journeyman. I would have preferred to go a married woman, but that required a man, and there was no man in sight, so I, at first grudgingly and then excitedly, embraced "the call."

And that's how I ended up in the monster city of Bangkok, Thailand in January 2002 for what would turn into two and a half years of teaching English to adults in the Baptist Student Center and working with a local church.

I remember talking to my youngest sister, who was still in high school then, on the phone when I first moved to Bangkok. As I looked out at the highrise apartments and tangles of power lines crowding this section of the megacity of 8 million people, she asked, "Do you like have electricity there?" I think she pictured me in a different kind of jungle. Later she got to come and spend a Christmas with me there and experience it for herself.

How can I describe the sounds, the smells, the feel of it? Motorcycles, banana-grilling street vendors, sweat, car exhaust, jasmine flower garlands, horns honking, TRAFFIC, mangy street dogs, keyboard-playing beggars, pushcart vendors hawking fried bugs, gold-leaf covered statues, and did I mention the traffic? It was my adventure, and I loved the place from day one. I still do.

And the people. How a whole nation of people can be almost uniformly friendly is amazing. They are Thailand's true treasure.

But it was hard.

I had been a 24 year old blooming with confidence in my own personality, sense of self, and sense of humor. Suddenly I was unable to communicate even the simplest "turn left here so I can get out of this taxi and get home." I carried my home address in my backpack for weeks to ensure that if I ever got lost, a taxi driver could at least take me home--like a lost puppy.

The Thai language is wonderfully simple in its grammatical structure, but mind-wreckingly difficult in its tones. For example, the word "glai" can mean "near" or "far" depending on the tone. I believe one is a low tone and the other neutral (Thai has five tones). I still can't remember which one is which (kind of how I can't remember the difference between a nickel and a dime). This creates a problem when you're wanting to know if the restaurant you're looking for is near or far. Will I be walking one block in the 90 degree, 100% humidity weather, or eight blocks? Tones matter, you see.

So I sat through conversations and jokes and bus rides understanding and contributing nothing. I wasn't funny. I felt tall, and white, and quiet. My sweet friends would try to translate jokes for me, but by the time they came out in English, I could never really get the point.

Besides the difficulty communicating, the norms for a single girl my age in Thailand were different than I was used to. Suddenly this girl that craved alone time was in a culture where girls hold hands and do everything together. It revealed what a self-centered existence I had been living up until that point.

And most things are just a little more difficult to accomplish in a big city. No, we weren't hauling our own water or driving somewhere for internet access, but it had its challenges. To get to school each teaching day, I took a motorcycle taxi to the top of my street (riding "side-saddle" in my skirt, of course) where I hopped on the sky train. From there I would take another motorcycle taxi or walk to my school building, depending on how sweaty I was willing to get.

My friend and fellow teacher Arlene tells the story of trying to buy a plunger. She found herself in the middle of a department store, surrounded by puzzled employees, giving her very best plunging impression. We all got very good at charades.

I began to realize that the self that I had come to embrace in my mid-20s just didn't work in Thailand. If I wanted to make relationships and share the love of Jesus with these people, I had to change. I had to joke differently, talk differently, function differently. The first year and a half there felt like a constant rubbing the wrong way. But God began to change me slowly . . .

And in time, life in Bangkok got easier. Things I found grating in the beginning no longer bothered me. I began to understand how to relate, how to communicate, and how to fit in.

Looking back I see that the self I loved was much narrower than what God had planned--much more me and a lot less Him. Jesus said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:39).

Jesus set the ultimate example of losing oneself:
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:4-8

Jesus didn't cling to His identity as God or the advantages of that position. He was willing to lay all that aside to obey the Father's designs. He "emptied himself" in order to connect with us, and He empowers us to do the same for others.

Life since Bangkok has continued to be a series of big and small losses of myself. There are small losses like seeking to know people without needing for them to know anything about me.

There are bigger losses like when I decided I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM for you internet-savvy people) when my oldest was one. I had enjoyed a short career as an ESL teacher for adult learners, and I felt good at it. I remember taking my daughter, Sarah, to story time at the library with all the other SAHMs and then coming home and whining to my husband, "I'm a stay-at-home-mom!!"

"I thought you wanted to stay home?" replied my husband, perplexed.

"I do, but it just feels weird!" I lamented. Little did I know that staying at home would open the door to homeschooling (Now who am I??!), this blog, a little home business, a renewed love for art, and a new love for graphic design, not to mention all the joys of so much time with my children and other mommy friends. Dying to one thing gave life to other beautiful things.

As I write this, I realize that I'm back in a Bangkok of sorts. This life as a stay-at-home mom of three now, trying to figure out homeschooling, not much time to myself, and little people who I adore, but who need so much. Some demands are very real, and others are the ones I unnecessarily lay on myself or let other lay on me (no, I haven't sorted all that out). I am disoriented at times, and stretched. I'm still in the "rubbing" stage. The me I have been must change in order to care for these little ones--my current "mission."

I'm reminded that one day I will look back and see all the adjustments God has made in me, and once again, praise His perfect ways.

Just a slice of life. Mommas, tell me you've never . . .

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February 19, 2015