Marydean Draws: weakness

Showing posts with label weakness. Show all posts

"I led them with cords of kindness,
with the bands of love,

and I became to them as one
who eases the yoke on their jaws,
and I bent down to them and fed them."
(Hosea 11:4 ESV)

sometimes I feel
I'm coming loose

barely clinging to You

a little too much

distraction

immaturity

or plain exhaustion

poor in spirit

small of faith

in courage, a mewling kitten

beset by fears

vulnerable to snake whispers

are the ties that bind us only as tight

as the limp amateur knots I tie?

irresistible grace

now de-magnetized?

no, these bands of love
strong as your will

cords of kindness
strong as death
and raised up life
keep me in grateful bondage

my will to yours

my mustard seed faith

enough

"For I am sure that
neither death nor life,
nor angels nor rulers,
nor things present nor things to come,
nor powers,
nor height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God
in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38-39 ESV

You can get your screensaver (inspired by the above verses and poem) by clicking on the image below and saving to your device.

But before you go . . .

Let's play a little Q & A this month

For this month's "From the Mind of Mary" newsletter (a fun little letter for my subscribers where I share things I'm reading or learning), I'd like to do a little "Q & A with the Artist." Send me your questions (serious or fun, silly or deep, artsy or not) and I'll do my best to answer them! You can comment here or reply to mary@marydeandraws.com. Sign up HERE if you're not on the mailing list!

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March 6, 2019

Bands of love Screensaver + a poem

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Streams of mercy, never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tongues above

Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it

Mount of Thy redeeming love

I don't know about you, but my heart easily gets out of tune. We've been in a long season of God doing something, but we're not sure what. I don't know when or how it will all end. Sometimes discouragement sets in. Self-pity. Hopelessness. Distraction. Sometimes I want to talk to God; sometimes I blame him for where we're at. Sometimes I'm okay; sometimes I'm not.

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Yesterday, I was reading Lysa Terkeurst's It's Not Supposed to be This Way,** and I was encouraged.

She writes, "And while I know in my head that God will somehow, someday turn all this around for good in my life, too, my heart isn't so sure some moments. The intensity of the pain gives me a propensity to doubt."

She suggests in these times when we're wrestling with unbelief that "we just have to make the choice to see Him and rightly attribute to Him the good that does exist. I truly believe what keeps us on the path of longsuffering instead of veering off in the dangerous direction of wallowing is to wake up with great expectation of these little reminders of God's goodness."

Remembering God's goodness is like regularly stopping to drink from a stream as you journey through the desert (Isaiah 43:19). It doesn't take away the desert's hardships, but it sustains you enough to keep going.

So yesterday I chose to count the goodness I could see:

the beautiful faces of my sweet girls

a little four-year-old hug around my thigh

the angled profile of my man

the original oil painting I splurged on last year

the warm spaghetti dinner the kids helped me make last night

the prayers and encouragement of my dear friend

Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it

Mount of Thy redeeming love

Not much changed externally, but God again tuned my heart to sing his praise and fixed me firmly on his love.

I'll need to be re-tuned again soon, I'm sure, but today I can keep going.

p.s. If you like this hymn, there's some original art and prints in the shop painted on this beautiful hymn and others as well.

**affiliate link. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

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February 21, 2019

Tuning my heart

I was reading Psalm 109 this week and thought, "Wow, David sounds kind of dramatic here." Most of the Psalm is David pleading for God to punish his enemies harshly, cut off their posterity, blot our their names and their memory from the earth, etc. The usual.

He laments:

"For I am poor and needy,
and my heart is stricken within me.
I am gone like a shadow of evening;
I am shaken off like a locust." Psalm 109:22-23

I think I was feeling a battle of my values, or, maybe you could say, my cultures. My American culture values strength and stoicism, independence and individual freedom.

The American Psalm might go something like this:
Pull yourself up by the bootstraps,
such is the one God helps.
Self-made hustlers,
push past pain.
Whiners aren't winners,
so don't be dramatic.
Ignore all the critics.
Stay positive and
make lemonade from those lemons.
Only you have the power to
wield your future.
It's all in your hands.
Your only limit is you!
So believe in yourself.

(Thanks Pinterest for the wealth of memes.)

Then there's my Kingdom culture, the culture of my God who calls himself a Shepherd and Father. It struck me that David's honest lament is exactly why God loved David and called him a man "after my heart" (Acts 13:22).

God devotes a whole book of the Bible to a collection of outpourings of David's heart--literally at the heart of our Bible.

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." (Psalm 62:8 ESV)

God didn't value David for his stoicism, his bravado, his independence, or his puffery; He prized him for his honest humility. God drew near to David because David drew near to Him.

See, being honest about your feelings before your Father (and others) is not being dramatic; it's being human. And God meets humans in their honest humility. That's also where humans meet other humans.

There's no shame in being a human being created in the image of God, made to live in a dependent relationship with God. Needy is not bad; it's just where you expect those needs to be met that gets tricky.

I know it's uncomfortable to sit with hard feelings, to say
I'm sad.
I'm afraid.
I'm angry.

It's hard to sit with those feelings long enough to bring them before God.

It's so much easier to run, to numb it, to distract ourselves. But the consequences of not bringing our hearts before the Lord is ruining us--with anxiety, depression, addictions, distractions, idols of our hearts.

I know the struggle well. And I'm wrestling here between these two cultures. How about you?

Today, I've created a shareable image below that you can save and share on social media to start a conversation (if you're so inclined 😉) or just save as a reminder for yourself.

click to save:

PRAYING the Word

Jesus, thank you that when we draw near to you, you draw near to us (James 4:8). Teach us to live as you intended us to live--as humans in a relationship with you. Teach us to pour out our hearts at all times before you like David. Let our laments lead us to worship you for your faithfulness.

QUESTIONS to consider:

1. What do the Psalms teach you about how God relates to you and your emotions?
2. What are some consequences of not being honest before God?
3. How can honesty about emotions benefit interpersonal relationships?
4. How did Jesus deal with emotions as a human?

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October 24, 2018

Am I just being dramatic?

"Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice! Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually! Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered, O offspring of Israel his servant, children of Jacob, his chosen ones!" (1Chronicles 16:9-13 ESV)

Happy new year dear friends! As I start this year, there are a couple of things God seems to be teaching me, things I want to work on with His help this coming year:

1. As the steward of my soul, I am responsible for taking care of myself. At times, I have been passive about the care of my body, soul, and mind, maybe afraid to be selfish. But I'm learning in the book Boundaries by Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend** that "appropriate boundaries actually increase our ability to care about others. People with highly developed limits are the most caring people on earth."

While it's God's plan for me to be in community and depend on and support others, only I know how my life feels and how it affects my heart (see Proverbs 14:10), so I am the one ultimately responsible for its care--as I abide in Christ. I want to better care for my life so that I can be used by God in the lives of my people around me.

2. I must be face my weaknesses. I read in my devotional (New Morning Mercies by Paul Tripp**) yesterday morning that when we fail to face our weaknesses, we are basically saying, "I don't want to be who I am or face who I am." I certainly don't like facing my weaknesses. I want to be able to do it all, and do it well, and for everyone to be happy with me, but this is not the life God has called me to or given me strength for!

Tripp writes that "the great danger is your delusion of strength, because if you think you're strong, then you don't seek the help that you desperately need from the One who is the ultimate source of strength of every kind."

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)

These are the lessons I'm learning right now. One outcome is that we have enrolled our girls in the local public school and taken a break from homeschool. It breaks my heart a little to give it up, but the girls came home happy and excited from their first day yesterday, and God has given them the sweetest teachers. This is one way I am trying to establish healthy boundaries and accept my weaknesses this year.

I am dreaming of things to create and share with you this coming year. I hope you'll follow along! For now, I'm sharing this hand-lettered phone screensaver of 1 Chronicles 16:11. What better way to enter a new year than to be determined to "Seek the Lord and his strength [and] His presence continually"?

To download, click on the image below and save to your device!

Books in this post (clickable links):**

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! Use for Bible studies, church groups or events, and Sunday school classes are all fine! If you're in doubt, I'm happy to answer any questions. All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

** “We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.” Bascially, if you purchase something using these links, I get a small portion of the sale. It's a small way you can support the blog if you'd like. Thanks!

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January 4, 2018

Lessons for a new year + a 1 Chronicles 16:11 Phone Screensaver

We kicked off our summer this week, although my daughter is insistent (under her daddy's tutelage) that we can't call it summer until precisely June 21. I see it more of a fluid kind of thing, but we shall agree to disagree.

I was expecting a feeling of freedom as the weight of educating my children was lifted (formally) for a season, but I wasn't expecting a kind of heaviness of spirit to settle in these last few days. Is it my old traveling companion, Depression, come to walk with me for a while again? Or maybe it's the sudden loss of structure to our days that has thrown me off.

I'm prone to jump to conclusions and blame when I feel uncomfortable like this. If I had a different vocation, I'd be happier.

Then the Holy Spirit reminds. Remember how that's His role (see previous post)?

He reminds me that my weaknesses would follow me whatever the situation. He reminds me that my weaknesses are under His faithful care and providence. That He is faithful to keep me tucked under His wing when I'd rather be soaring independent. That He is faithful to keep me just slightly crippled, so I don't trip up on my ever-bubbling pride (see Psalm 91:4 and 2 Corinthians 12;7-8).

He reminds me that instead of being ashamed of my weaknesses, I can boast in them because they become the venue for His supply (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I am reminded of God's patience with me, and His call for me to wait patiently for Him. His work is never hurried, but never too slow. A slow season where each hour feels burdensome and difficult can be a rich season of walking with Him.

(Card from the "Words of Life #2" printable set in the shop here)

A less productive season can be a season of letting the soil rest and grow rich in minerals for the next season of planting and harvesting.

God is faithful in His afflictions, we know that.

"I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me." Psalm 119:75

I read this C.S. Lewis recently: "“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

I don't know what this season hold for me. I may find tomorrow is lighter!

For today, I'm sharing this little screensaver from Psalm 68:19 to remind you that God's presence and love for you are DAILY. To get the image, just right click on the image below, save, and then set as your device's lock or home screen.

**I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the file. Thank you!!

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE!

June 1, 2017

He bears us up + Psalm 68:19 Phone Screensaver

Psalm 34:18 "the lord is near to the brokenhearted" printable Bible verse coloring page

I hung up the phone with the boy I had been pursuing a relationship with for the past year. He admitted cheating on me, and I knew immediately that the dream of "us" was over. I was in grad school at the time and walked into the kitchen where my roommate was cooking. She looked at my blood-drained face and knew something was wrong. I told her the ugly story and curled up on the carpet in the living room, feeling as if I had to wrap my body around my heart to keep it from splintering across the room.

In that moment, I didn't cry, but I felt the presence of God heavy like a downy blanket. I'm so thankful I knew Him then.

My sweet dad made the two hour trip to make sure I was okay and block "the boy" from contacting me again. He walked with me around the lake and listened to my frustration (yes, I have a great dad).

Tears would come later. And anger. And questions. And analyzing every thing we both did and said. For months and months my heart just hurt. I felt ashamed for not having anticipated disaster, for not having more wisdom.

Even all these years later, I don't have answers for that situation.

But I did learn the comfort of my God.

I think about this verse:
"The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy." (Proverbs 14:10 ESV)

That's the frustrating thing about being in pain--not being fully understood. There are parts of our hearts that no one can touch or understand--in both joy and bitterness.

If you're in some sort of pain, I want to encourage you with some truths that encourage me today:

In pain, there is the comfort of God.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV)

While others may grow weary of our struggles, God is never impatient with our weaknesses. When others don't completely understand, God does. When we can't even find the words for how we feel, God gets it.

In pain, there is comforting others.
The verse above says that God comforts us so we can take that same comfort and pass it on to the next hurting person. I remember soon after my big breakup, an older women sat down with me for tea and told her own story of heartache. It was simple, but so comforting.

It gives me hope that God does not waste my pain.

(My friend, Ashlee Proffitt, is jumping into this cycle of comfort-receiving and comfort-giving with a ministry to survivors of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. She just launched a ministry, called The Morning, that she hopes will encourage anyone suffering in that way.)

In pain, there is the hope of heaven.
Maybe we think we should reserve this hope for when we're faced with death, but I'm beginning to find hope in this even for the "smaller" suffering. When things hurt I remember that they will not always hurt. One day pain and sadness will be a distant memory.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."" (Rev 21:3-5 ESV)

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." (Rom 8:18 ESV)

Don't be afraid to walk with sorrow and suffering.
I picked up Hind's Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard last week at my favorite thrift store. My college roommate wrote her senior English thesis on this book, but I had yet to read it. It's an allegory of Much-Afraid's journey from slavery to fear to "high places" with the shepherd. She is surprised (and disturbed) that instead of "Peace and Joy," the shepherd gives her "Sorrow and Suffering" as her travel companions. She soon learns that when she grasps their hands, they lead her through the roughest parts of her journey. The Shepherd, too, is always there when she calls.

I am mulling over the thought of grasping hands with sorrow and suffering.

When my spirit is crushed, I often spend so much time and energy analyzing the situation that I fail to allow God to simply comfort me. I don't want to walk with sorrow and suffering; I want immediate relief!

I do this when my husband and I have an argument. I did this when people began to leave our church for various reasons a few years ago. I was crushed by endless agonizing over what they did, what I did, what we as a church possibly did wrong.

In the midst of that heartache, a friend reminded me to keep focused on Jesus. Any time we focus on ourselves or others, we find sin, not hope.

God says:

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." (Psa 43:5 ESV)

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb 12:1-2 ESV)

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Col 3:2-3 ESV)

Does God need us to sort it all out?

Do we need everything to be sorted out?

Actually, no. We just need HIM.

Today's printable Bible verse coloring page is from Psalm 34:18. You can download your page HERE or by clicking on the image below!*

PRAYING the Word
Help us find our comfort and our hope in You, God of all comfort. Thank you that you are near. Thank you that you save. Thank you that you comfort.

QUESTIONS to consider:

1. Have you ever felt God near in your sorrow or pain?
2. Do you struggle to want answers more than God's comfort?

3. Do you think having all the answers really would be comforting?

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October 27, 2016

God is near + Psalm 34:18 printable Bible verse coloring page

James 1:4 Bible verse coloring page "let patience have her perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing"

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." James 1:2-8 [ESV]

It's been one of those mini-seasons when everything feels hard--marriage, parenting, getting out of bed. Nothing bad is happening really, just our normal sin-bent selves playing bumper cars with other sin-bent selves. Collisions happen, especially in close quarters.

I don't always feel like this. So much depends on . . . hormones, chemicals in the brain, the weather, children's energy levels, napping or non-napping, and the state of my heart that's so easily affected by everything around me--from a news story to a social media post that makes me sad or reminiscent or insecure.

If you're a new reader, I'm a stay-at-home mom, a homeschooler, and a pretty solid introvert. I love people, my people, my church family, my friends. But that's only because Jesus has been working on my heart for a long time. Being around people a lot used to really grate on me and although much of that is gone, even now, Sunday mornings usually leave me drained. Social events call for a follow-up nap, and my normal days--well, they require a couple of hours of quiet in the evenings.

My choice to homeschool did not spring from my endless supply of patience for my children. To make our days work for us, we usually have mandatory rest time for at least an hour and a half in the middle of the day. The girls either nap or play in their rooms, usually while listening to a book on CD.

But right now the baby is taking a late second nap because he still takes a good morning nap, which allows us to get our read-alouds done. So we are all up until about three in the afternoon to ensure that everyone is down for rest time at the same time . . . and going that long without a break is draining me. We will probably need to make some kind of transition at some point, but this is where we are right now.

God has given me beautiful, creative children. One sings and talks her way through life with a vocabulary beyond her years. Another bounces constantly and knows how to make the other crazy. Another is just too sweet for words and has a love for dirt. I'm so blessed, but they drain me. I adore them, but they annoy me. I hold these contrasting truths in constant struggle.

Today, my mom, bless her, is spending the afternoon with my kids while I sit in this quiet office I have carved out in our laundry room. Mama bear in her cave, I say. And I'm typing out my heart.

In some ways I feel so unsuited for full-time motherhood, and especially homeschooling. Why would God call me to something SO HARD. While most of the time I feel confident that I heard God call me to this and that it's what He's prepared me to do, sometimes I wonder if we'd all be happier if I was doing something else.

But I think at the heart of my question is maybe a false assumption--if something is TOO HARD then it must not be God's will for me.

What is God's will for me anyway?

My pastor keeps repeating this verse as God's will for us: "Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24).

But that doesn't make a great motivational poster, does it? I'd prefer "Choose happy" or "Dream big, work hard" or "Darling, let's be adventurers." So much cuter than "take up your cross and follow me," right?

But we forgot Who is saying "come follow me." We forget that God is a Father, a loving Creator, a walk-alongside, Helper kind of God at the very same time that He is all-powerful and all-knowing. He is not oppressive. His plans are perfect, a banquet compared to our measly rice-and-beans dreams.

"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:9-13

Do you notice that the "good gift" given in this verse is the Holy Spirit? Interesting. These verses seem to say that is what we should be asking for and seeking. That is, after all, Who I ultimately need, isn't it?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." James 1:2-8

Did you catch God's will for you in the verses James wrote? My God's goal for me right now may not be my comfort. God's will for me is to persevere through situations that require my faith to grow and thus produce perseverance. He works towards my maturity and completion, so that I don't lack anything.

In my experience, the maturity that God has built in me has made my life so much easier on the other side of it. It's astounding to think that God knows my future and is preparing me for it right now, right here in my messy struggles.

It's also His will that I ask Him for wisdom in those situations, and it's His will to give it to me freely. He also offers me His Spirit, like He does for all who come to Him in repentance and faith in His Son. I'm not special in that way.

But I may be missing an important part of these verses--I have to ask. I have to seek out my God. It's not magic; it's just how a relationship works.

"My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God." Proverbs 2:1-5

In my struggling, I have choices. In my pride, I can feel silly for struggling so much. I can condemn myself for not being stronger and bear a burden that Jesus already bore for me. A friend recently counseled us that we needn't stand as judge and jury over our feelings because they are just that--feelings that are a natural reaction to our world. Condemning myself doesn't change my feelings anyway; it just piles up more negative ones.

I could also attempt some kind of escape from my struggles. Quit, give up. This isn't really an option.

Or, I can call out for understanding and insight and wisdom from God. I can stand in full assurance of faith (not "double-minded and unstable") that God will give me what I need for today (James 1:8).

I have started to simplify my praying a bit lately and pray whatever Scripture I'm reading over the people in my life. So today's prayer is like this:

That in our struggles, we'd call out for the Holy Spirit.
That we would let God work in us so we can be mature and complete.
That we would call our for wisdom from God alone and that He would give it.

I know this has been a bit rambling today, but such is my heart. Thanks for sharing in it.

I'm sharing this Bible verse coloring page today as a reminder of God's work in you. You can download is HERE or by clicking the image below (usage below).*

Questions to ask about this verse (and James 1:2-8):

What is God's will for you from this verse?

How does He accomplish this plan for you?

What does God promise to give you when you ask Him?

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE! You'll also receive occasional news from my Etsy shop.

March 3, 2016

Bands of love Screensaver + a poem

Tuning my heart

Am I just being dramatic?

Lessons for a new year + a 1 Chronicles 16:11 Phone Screensaver

He bears us up + Psalm 68:19 Phone Screensaver

God is near + Psalm 34:18 printable Bible verse coloring page

Hard things, God's will + the perfect and complete Bible verse coloring page