Marydean Draws: relationships

Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

A few days after Christmas, my daughter put a leftover cinnamon roll in the microwave, set the timer for four minutes, and walked away. A few minutes later, as the cinnamon roll began to char, I hurried down the stairs after smelling smoke, and was shocked to see grey smoke billowing from the microwave. My son started coughing and crying in the next room. My husband rushed the noxious plate outside, and on a frigid 30 degree day, we opened all the windows in the house to let the smoke dissipate.

My daughter was immediately a hysterical mixture of fear and shame. She's particularly afraid of our house burning down, and now she was the one whose mistake had filled it with smoke!

Part of me wanted to chastise her in that moment, out of anger and fear, but part of me knew it could easily have been me who made the mistake. My daughter didn't need condemnation (or even instruction) in that moment; she needed kindness.

That parenting moment got me thinking about how God parents us.

When we sin, out of ignorance, willfulness, weakness, or immaturity, how does God respond in order to help us grow into wisdom, submission to his will, strength, and maturity?

Is His strategy condemnation or kindness? Is he constantly frustrated by our humanness?

The Scriptures paint a picture of a God who pities us. Jesus looks at us and says, "Father, forgive." He remembers that we are dust, that we want to do good, but that our flesh is weak.

See: Luke 23:34; Matthew 26:41; Psalm 103:14; Romans 7:18-19

Pitiful and weak as we are, God doesn't love us begrudgingly; He says that He delights to show us mercy. He draws us to Himself with kindness and compassion, not condemnation. Yes, he certainly convicts of sin (for our healing), but he leads with kindness.

See Hosea 11:3-4; Romans 2:4; Psalm 103:10-13

This is important because what I believe about the heart of God towards me is directly connected to the way I deal with other people.

Because we are all equally reliant on God's pity, writes Dallas Willard in The Divine Conspiracy**, we have no right to condemn another person, and if we think we have that right, that attitude is the very log in the eye that Jesus is talking about in Matthew 7:

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Mat 7:1-5 ESV)

So here's what I'm concluding: Condemnation is not a personal growth strategy.

God doesn't use it. It doesn't work when I use it on myself. It doesn't work when I use it on other people.

I have often believed that if I am hard enough on myself and feel bad enough for my sins, that I will change.

I have often believed that if I express myself convincingly enough to someone else in their sin, make someone feel bad enough, that person will change.

What does work, then? Kindness, compassion, mercy, pity. These all reach out and say, "Even though you are weak and flawed, I want to be in relationship with you, and so does God."

God has entrusted us with the ministry of reconciliation, not the ministry of condemnation.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." (2Co 5:17-20 ESV)

Yes, there is a place for godly rebuke and correction (see Galatians 6:1). Yes, let's live wisely and not let people abuse us. And yes, even if I offer kindness and compassion, it may not mean personal growth for anyone but myself--because kindness is not controlling.

So the next time someone's sin or immaturity or weakness fills your (metaphorical) house with noxious smoke, you have two choices:

1. You can look at the offender and think: How could you do ____? You are such a ____ (insult)? You don't deserve ____ (my love, God's love, affection, relationship, etc).

2. Or, you can look at the offender and think something like this: You don't know what you're doing, and likely this isn't what you want to be doing. Your flesh is weak. I know this because I'm the same. Because God has shown me unlimited and unmerited mercy, I'm going to delight to show you mercy too and not deal with you according to what you deserve. If I dealt with you according to what you deserve, I'd only be asking for what I deserve--and I certainly don't want that.

This way of the God's kingdom isn't natural for me at all yet, but it's opening up a fresh space in my heart where I can breathe in the sweet (smoke-free!) air of God's kingdom.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." (Rom 8:1-2 ESV)

Today's printable Bible verse coloring page is from Romans 8:1-2. You can download the printable coloring page in Spanish HERE and in English HERE or by clicking on the images below.

Would you do me a favor? If you found this encouraging or helpful, would you share it with some friends who might be encouraged in God's love for them today?

PRAYING the Word
I pray that I would first know what it means to be loved by you and fathered by you. Then help me live in that reality as I relate to the people in my life.

QUESTIONS to consider:

1. Are you surprised by what the Scriptures listed above have to say about how God thinks and feels about you?
2. In what ways have you tried to use condemnation as a growth strategy for yourself?
3. In what ways have you tried to use condemnation as a growth strategy for someone else?

4. What would it look like for you to deal with people as God has dealt with you?

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! Use for Bible studies, church groups or events, and Sunday school classes are all fine! If you're in doubt, I'm happy to answer any questions. All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, thank you (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file.

**affiliate link. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE!

January 18, 2019

The personal growth strategy that always fails + Romans 8:1 Bible coloring page in English and Spanish

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

A whole three years ago when I was a brand-new blogger, I posted my very first printable. It was a lettered print of 1 Peter 4:8, and it's been a popular post on my blog since. I still love it (and have it on my wall), but I wanted to give it a little makeover.

Plus, my husband and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, and God's grace, both received and then passed on to each other, is the only thing that has held our marriage together and allowed us to flourish.

Each anniversary, I've written a special blog post (here, here, and here) about what God has taught me that year. In some ways, having ten years of experience makes things easier. We are wiser and less likely to throw fuel on a fire, turning a spark into flame (too many singed eyebrows). We understand each other better. We are less likely to see the other as the chief sinner in the house (1 Timothy 1:15).

But ten years also brings new challenges. We parent three active children who sing, dance, and squabble through their days. We are often exhausted. We have our own health challenges. Work is often demanding. We have had unexpected home repairs.

So this year we don't have all our issues sorted out. We exasperate one another. We argue. We disagree about the details of raising our kids and the temperature of the bathtub for the toddler (for real).

But we ask for forgiveness. We forgive. We see our sins in the light of His presence (Psalm 90:8). And we cover it all with love.

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." Colossians 3:14

God's love is like the super-strong glue that seeps into the cracks between us and binds us together with a power beyond ourselves.

If you are struggling in your marriage today, God bless you. You are not alone. May God lead you, and give you His grace. I pray that today you would hear His voice and know His sustaining love and comfort.

"Seek the LORD and his strength;seek his presence continually!" Psalm 105:4

To get your 5x7" 1 Peter 4:8 print (in black and white or with color), simply right click on one of the images below, and save!

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! Use for Bible studies, church groups or events, and Sunday school classes are all fine! If you're in doubt, I'm happy to answer any questions. All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE!

September 7, 2017

Love covers, ten years, and a free Bible verse art print!

Hi friends! Today I'm guest-posting "10 ways to be another mom's cheerleader" over at the JellyTelly blog HERE. You can also head there to download these encouraging Scripture verse cards! I hope you enjoy the post!

I was in the middle of a battle of wills with a child of mine. (This is the same child who responded to my observation, “You are being particularly difficult this morning,” with: “I don’t speak Spanish.”)

My dear friend and neighbor came over in the middle of this struggle, and I sighed and said, “Please just tell me I’m not a terrible mom.”

She looked and me and said with confidence, “You are a fantastic mom, and I think you’re doing a great job!”

Sniff.

Don’t we all need a cheerleader friend like that?

Read the rest HERE!

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! Use for Bible studies, church groups or events, and Sunday school classes are all fine! If you're in doubt, I'm happy to answer any questions. All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE!

May 1, 2017

Ten ways to be another mom's cheerleader + Psalm 103:9 printable Bible verse cards

Bible verse coloring page "the body of Christ" 1 Corinthians 12:14-16, 18

I don't always feel like I fit in as an artist. I don't watercolor, do calligraphy, paint, or make anything classy, sophisticated or fancy. I draw cute illustrations and write about the Word, but sometimes that feels very small.

Maybe that sounds silly, but I'm guessing you feel the same way about some area of your life. The lane you're in feels narrow and somewhat cramped. You look across to friends speeding by in their own lanes, doing their things, and you think that it's time to try harder or that you're somehow just not enough.

It's been a journey for me the last few years defining what I do well as an artist and learning to put my blinders on and accept this lane that I believe God has me in.

I think this has some application for us who follow Jesus and belong to His body, the Church. Here are a few ways I see myself, and others, struggle with "finding our lane":

We think that because we are not this or that, therefore we don't belong. We focus on the many things that we're not. The things that we do feel empowered to do seem so small in this big broken world that we live in, or in comparison with someone else's abilities.

Or, at the other extreme, because of the gifts we're given, we feel like it's all up to us. This leads to puffing up because, in the diversity of the body of Christ, others are really different than us, and then it leads to despair because we know our deficiencies.

Other times I think we hold back on our giftings for fear of being "too much." Too forward. Too confident. Too talkative. Unfeminine.

Maybe you're not even sure what your giftings from God are or how you fit in with the Church at all. Maybe you're so new in your faith that you haven't had enough experience to see what God is empowering you to do to build up the Church.

If you struggle in any of these areas, I want to lay down a few simple truths from the Word that I hope encourage you.

1. You are a body part, not a single-celled organism. You cannot function alone.

"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." (Rom 12:4-8 ESV)

2. God arranges the body as He sees fit, in His sovereignty. Our job is to remain connected to Jesus, the Head, doing what we're designed to do.

"For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, 'Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,' that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose." (1Co 12:14-18 ESV)

What are the implications of these truths for the struggles I mentioned?

If you belong to Christ, you belong to His body. You may feel different from the body of Christ God has placed you in. You may look different. You may think differently and talk differently. You may have a different background and set of experiences.

Maybe you're single and everyone else is married with kids. Maybe you're married with kids and everyone else is single. Maybe everyone else grew up in Church and you grew up knowing nothing at all about Jesus. Maybe your personality and interests make you feel like the odd-one out.

But let's not believe the lie that we don't belong.

By the way, if you see things differently, just maybe you bring something to the body that is missing.

Notice that everything is disorganized and chaotic in your small group? Maybe God wants to use your administrative gifts to bring some order.

Notice that the lessons for the kids need to be more meaty? Maybe God has called you to teach or help develop better materials.

Overhear a conversation about the how terrible abortion is and (while you agree) all you can think of is the past God redeemed you from and grief for women who make that choice? Maybe God has gifted you with mercy for the broken.

Hear a friend talk about her deep anxiety over a work situation, and your heart wells up with encouraging words and a desire to help? Maybe God has gifted you with encouragement.

Hear of a friend who is sick and you immediately think of the things she might need (childcare, food, etc)? Maybe God has gifted you to know how to help others.

We need each other. Alone, no, we are not "enough." It's okay that our work is limited. We need to learn to think of ourselves with "sober judgment."

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." (Rom 12:3 ESV)

You were designed with certain deficiencies, not because God doesn't like you, but so we could depend on each other. That means than if you're not part of a church body, you can't function in the way God has designed.

Don't like the church? Yes, she's broken and sometimes ugly, so broken that Jesus had to die to redeem and cleanse her. Because the body is made up of redeemed, yet still sinful people, it ain't gonna be peaches and cream this side of complete redemption, folks. We look more like a construction zone than a finished project. But in my experience, this crazy labaratory for the Gospel (I wrote about that HERE) has taught me more about God's shocking grace than anything I've ever experienced.

Let's always keep in mind that Christ died for the body, to make her His own. He did not reject Her, so neither should we!

The body will be very diverse. Think of a thumb versus a spleen (what does a spleen even do?). So different, yet imagine functioning without either (just googled "what does a spleen do?" and you don't want to be without one). Your sister in Christ may function in the body in a completely different way than you. Be her cheerleader. Encourage her. Value her, even if you don't completely understand her importance.

God is in charge of the body. Everyone He brings to your Body brings something you need. And beyond our local church bodies, God sees the entire body of Christ spread out across your city, your state, your country, and the world. He is orchestrating it all.

"But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose." 1 Corinthians 12:19 (ESV)

Use your giftings boldly in the Spirit because you are trusting God to work.

"I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began," (2Ti 1:5-9 ESV)

Paul reminds Timothy that the Spirit he was given is not characterized by fear, but by power, love, and self-control. What do you think Paul meant when he told Timothy to "fan into flame the gift of God"? Later he tells Timothy not to be ashamed of the message of the Gospel.

Maybe Paul is encouraging Timothy (and us) to not be crippled by fear, but be empowered by the Spirit for the work prepared for us to to, all "not because of our works, but because of His own purpose and grace."

In what ways has fear cripples the work of God through His Spirit in your life?

Have you unknowingly bought into any of Satan's lies about your place in the body of Christ?

Is your local (and beyond!) body of Christ benefiting from your presence, your gifts, and even your needs (ie. the opportunity to serve you)?

The maturity and stability of the body of Christ is at stake here, which is sobering to me.

"And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes." (Eph 4:11-14 ESV)

I made today's printable Bible verse coloring page from 1 Corinthians 12 to speak some truth to our hearts. You can download your page HERE or by clicking on the image below!*

PRAYING the Word

Jesus, I need your Spirit to help me function in your body as you've designed. Help me to fan into flame the gifts you've given me. Help me live by your Spirit, not my flesh. Forgive me for believing any lies about my place in the body.

QUESTIONS to ask about the verses:

1. If we are to view believers in Christ as a body, what does that mean for how we see each other?
2. In what ways do you struggle with how God designed you to function in the body?

3. Are you functioning well in the body of Christ? What is holding you back?

*I'm so happy for you to enjoy my coloring pages and printables for your personal (not commercial) use! Use for Bible studies, church groups or events, and Sunday school classes are all fine! If you're in doubt, I'm happy to answer any questions. All artwork and photos are copyright Marydean Draws. If you share this, you're awesome (!), and as a courtesy, please link back to this post and not the PDF file. Thank you!!

If you like this, you can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE!

October 12, 2016

All that I'm not, body parts, and fanning the flame + 1 Corinthians 12:14-16, 19 Bible verse printable

My five-month is in a funny stage. He just learned to turn over and can't stop now, even though he really doesn't like to sleep that way yet. There's been a lot of crying and training this last week.

My four-year-old is in a stage too (oh my). She insists on "big sister rest time" now and wants to give up naps, but by five in the evening, she's an emotional mess (and so am I). If she gets worn out enough to take a good long nap, she's up until 9:30 or 10 in the evening, keeping her big sister up.

Now that I've been through these things with big sister, I remind myself that this is just a stage and patience is needed. They need grace for this growing season.

Then I think about how we're all in in these awkward stages of growth in one way or another. God is the perfect Father, guiding and correcting us as we grow.

As we relate to each other in the Church, in our friendships, and in our marriages, we'll bump up against these awkward stages in someone sooner or later. How are we to respond?

The Apostle Paul wrote about how he felt about waiting for the Christians in Galatia to grow and mature. He writes "my little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!" (Galatians 4:19). Doing the work of helping others grow in maturity was like childbirth for him! It's painful work, but there's no giving up in the middle.

Some kinds of growth we'll see right before our eyes. Other kinds of growth require an even longer hope and vision.

Showing grace in the growing takes trust that the Holy Spirit will faithfully work in someone's life. You obey and do what you are asked to do, and then you TRUST. Train you children, memorize Scripture with them, correct them, discipline them . . . and then TRUST. Desire their growth, not their perfect performance.

Showing grace in the growing looks forward to the day Jesus will make all things right, even us. 1 John 3:2 says, "Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." When our worship of God is finally perfected, we will be perfected (or maybe it's other way around; when we are finally perfected, our worship of Him is perfected too?).

The great things about giving away grace? You get to keep it too.

Maybe that's what's meant in Matthew 7:2 where is says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." If you judge others harshly and without grace, it will be really hard to extend that same grace to yourself when you don't meet your own standards. If you measure others with grace, you'll allow yourself the same.

Allowing each other grace proclaims that the Gospel is real--that because of the cross, we are freely pardoned and given the perfect goodness of Jesus the Son. Hands full of such grace can't help but share.

You can read more about grace in relationship in a series I wrote starting here or under "relationships" on the Topics page.

You can get these posts in your inbox by signing up HERE! You'll also receive news of any specials and deals in my Etsy shop.

June 3, 2015

Grace for the Growing

You know those things you see in a friend or a spouse that if you could just put your finger on them, you think they'd be fixed? Or that fault in your spouse that, if he'd only listen to you, all would be well? I can easily pick them out in others and I'm sure they can just as easily pick them out in me.

So, here we are, trying to live in grace, but we're still such a work in progress. What's a girl to do?

Romans 15:7 says, "Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." The word "welcome" here in the Greek means to "take to one's self." Accept. Welcome. Receive. Not reject, not push away--AS CHRIST has not rejected, not pushed away, but accepted and welcomed you.

We can accept one another, because God, in His boundless grace, has accepted us in Jesus. He has committed to our completion in Him from here on out.

Philippians 1:6: "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Two years ago, my husband and and I were looking for a house without any major projects. We are definitely not DIY-ers and didn't want to commit to anything more than basic painting.

But God is much more ambitious and patient when he adopts us as His children through faith in Jesus, He commits to a lifetime of major renovations and restorations. He commits to a lifetime of working out our brokenness--results of our own sin, results of sin committed by other broken people, and results of living in a broken world.

Accepting one another doesn't mean that we blindly accept and never take part in the renovation of someone's life through a gentle exhortation or rebuke. It just means that the major renovation of someone's life is God's to manage, and ours to participate and cooperate in.

Philippians 1:6 says God BEGAN the work and He will COMPLETE it. Hebrews 12:2 says Jesus is the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of our faith.

Can I see my kids, my husband, my church family, my family, strangers at Food Lion this way--under God's master renovations?

How will I react when someone under renovation bares their unrestored, old self for a moment? Will I be as patient as their Creator?

Can I be patient with God's work in my own life, as I daily walk past that old bathroom in the dusty works of a remodel? Do I repent of my sin and trust that God is not finished with me yet?

The astounding thing is that God's restoration is much bigger than me. He committed to a grand restoration project at creation. This project spans generations and generations until it culminates in a new heaven and new earth--completely restored to God's original vision. Until then, God is faithfully restoring His people to Himself.

P.S. I included the Philippians 1:6 verse it one of my new printable Scripture card collections (top left below) now in my Etsy shop! I really love how it turned out.

October 31, 2014

Relational Grace: Loving Amidst the Renovations

I (only) joke that the trip almost ended our marriage. Earlier this year we decided to drive our family to Orlando, Florida to visit my father-in-law. That's a 15 hour trip for us, with a three and a five-year-old who tend to alternate between squabbling and being the best of friends like a roller coaster. The drive was bad enough that we still shudder to think about it, but probably not bad enough to keep us from doing it again--kind of like childbirth.

In addition to the squabbling siblings, my husband and I have different "traveling styles." When I took a trip with a girlfriend a few years ago, we literally ended up in the wrong city because we were talking so much. My husband is a talker, but not a five-hour-straight kind of talker. And really, neither am I, but in my mind, if our relationship is great, we should have an abundance of things to talk about all the time (married people chuckle here).

My husband does all the driving, and he likes to do just that. He's an excellent driver and never complains. It's not that he doesn't talk or check in with me, but his focus is the road, leading to a serious clash with my high expectations of a marathon talk-fest.

Over the hours of silence, peppered with breaking up the kids' fights and countless trips to less-than-sanitary gas station bathrooms, I stewed and fretted, and created an imaginary marital crises in my carsick head. It all finally gushed out in ugly crying and accusations of how he just didn't seem to care about me.

I see that moment a little more clearly now. Instead of believing the best of my husband (love does that--1 Corinthians 13:7). and accepting his different traveling style, I assumed that he really must not love me for not seeking out constant conversation.

I had him all figured out.

We all do this in many ways. A friend does A, and we assume that it must mean B. We get really good at making assumptions, which is much easier to do than actually talking to someone about what's going on.

Last post I wrote about how a lack of being real snuffs relationships. So here's another element to relational grace: choose to believe the best and withhold judgment or assumptions until you've heard someone's heart.

There's an interesting little story illustrating this principle tucked into Joshua 22. Israel had gotten wind that three of the tribes had built a built a huge altar near the Jordan. They immediately assumed the worst--apostasy--and sent out a delegation prepared for war. When they arrived, they found that what the tribes had built wasn't an altar at all but more like a monument that was a copy of the original altar to remind the people they belonged to God. War was called off, but their assumptions were nearly disastrous!

Proverbs 18:13 says, "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame."

Our assumptions and jumps to judgment about people in our lives can be ruinous. I jumped to judgment about why my husband wasn't talking on our road trip instead of remembering that he's a really good man who was taking care of his family by driving us to Florida!

I must learn to get my story about someone from that person. It is my "folly and shame" to do otherwise. I've seen how just a word spoken in passing can skew my view of someone.

In a relationship of grace, I can hold off on my assumptions because I choose to believe the best in you. If there is a problem, sometimes I can simply let it go because it doesn't concern me or because it's unimportant. Or, if more helpful for our relationship and to you, I can lovingly confront you (and first and only you--see Matthew 18) about it and do the work of seeking out your heart.

All this is possible because of Jesus. Because He has graced me greatly and forgiven all my sins, I can live out of a position of grace and approval, not need. I'm not striving to get all my needs met and protect myself. I can be about others in my life as Jesus was.

October 22, 2014

Relational Grace: Believing the Best

So you know those moments (or maybe whole days) when you cringe to think of someone taking a peek into your heart? You're sure they'd never look at you the same, or immediately start working on your commitment papers.

If they only knew how desperate, how weak, how needy you were.

No, that doesn't describe you? Me either. Good. Insert picture of a child doing something adorable and blog post done.

But let's be real. There are days when I feel everything, from my child's stuffy nose and half-used tissues strewn across the floor to the incessant arguing, is orchestrated for my torture, I mean, sanctification. And I am FAILING, it seems in every way.

I've been sharing ways I see the Gospel affecting relationships, and I think a huge result of embracing the truths about ourselves in Jesus--that we are way more sinful than we thought, but way more loved and accepted in Him--is that we are free to pull up the blinds of our hearts, let the light fall where it may--even on our weaknesses, our sins, our neediness.

For me, there are a lot of reasons NOT to be real. Here are a few of mine:

People might judge and think differently of me. I like to look like I have it all together. I want to be the person people go to for advice. I don't want people to know how much I really struggle.
It takes some work to communicate my heart. I'm an introverted girl, an internal processor. I forget that people can't read my mind (especially my husband).
I don't want to need people or burden others. In a way this one feels self-righteous--I can handle this life on my own and I don't want to burden you. But then I've taken away your chance to bless and serve me, and speak truth to me.

But here are some of my reasons to be real:

The cross already says the best and worst about me. It says that I'm so flawed and weak, Jesus had to die to save me. It also says that because of Jesus, I'm approved and made right in the eyes of the only ONE who matters. The image I present doesn't matter. All that matters is me living for Jesus' reputation, and bringing Him honor for all He's done for me.
Being real makes me closer to other fellow sinners. I John 1:7 says, "If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin." We have nothing to hide and trap us in shame, because we know we are forgiven. Because of Jesus, those things that plague us don't have to enslave us.
Our weaknesses point to Jesus' power at work in our lives. 1 Corinthians 12:9-10: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I don't need people to think that I'm great and have it all together. I don't need to be the girl everyone comes to for advice. I only need to be the girl that points people to Jesus and the answers only He offers. I need people to see that the power at work in me is despite my weaknesses, that HE is strong in me.
Sharing the real you is a form or discipleship, helping others live like Jesus. By being real, I can let people come alongside my walk with Jesus and see how it works in the messy day-to-day.

Keep it real, friends.

October 6, 2014

Relational grace: Being Real

Last week I wrote about my struggles to keep relationships going, to know how to move past hurt, disappointment, and the little conflicts that plague all human relationships.

Relational grace starts with a grasp of how God relates to us. Romans 3:23 says that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

God is glorious and has always been glorious. He exists in glorious relationship within the Trinity. He created a perfect creation and world for us to live in and called it GOOD! But we have fallen short of that glory right from the beginning. Some of us fall less, some more, but the standard of God's glory is so high, it's no use comparing. That would be like comparing who can jump and get closer to the sun.

God didn't decide to throw out His relationship with us or OR throw out His standard of glory in response to our fallenness.

God's response is this:
Romans 3:23-26: "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forwards as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith . . . It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus."

God so orchestrated the events of our world that He could be both the just JUDGE upholding his glorious standards, and the compassionate JUSTIFIER making us right in His sight by appeasing His wrath against our rebellion--with the blood of His own son. He exchanges our sinfulness for His Son's perfect life. Glorious.

What does this mean for our relationships?
We will all fail in our relationships and fall short of the glory that relationships were meant for. Relationships were made to be beautiful and transforming, but they're often the source of our greatest pain.

So, do we throw our relationships completely, resolving never to let anyone ever hurt us? That sounds lonely. Or, do we resolve to get rid of the standards, accepting whatever we can get because we know we need friends in the end?

The good news is that the Gospel offers another way altogether. The Gospel is a perfect blend of love and truth. My friend Ann recently taught on this at a women's retreat and I appreciate the explanation so much. It is only in the Gospel that we can be both completely truthful (upholding God's glorious standards) AND completely loving (full or grace and forgiveness). The Gospel is not about balancing these two; it's about God's perfect blend of them.

Here's the illustration we created for that idea:
We may try to be all loving in our friendships, never expecting anything, never confronting problems. This results in shallow friendships that lack transparency and a loving desire to see our friends grow in knowing and following God. That's like a soda with way too much carbonated water and no syrup.

The other imbalance is all truth in our relationships. We demand that our standards are met, we have expectations, and when our friends fail, we're disappointed and we want them to know it! That's like a soda overloaded with syrup and not mixed with enough of the carbonated water.

But the good news about Jesus says something different about us and our relationships. It's says that we're all way more flawed than we realize, but at the same time, way more loved and accepted, through Jesus. This is the perfectly blended soda in the picture below. Tim Keller says, "We are more flawed and sinful than we ever dared believe, yet we are more loved and accepted than we ever dared hope at the same time." So refreshing!

Because we experience grace and acceptance in Jesus, and we live in His Spirit (the Spirit of God who is both the Justifier and the Judge), we can live in relationships of grace:
where sins are covered,
where brokenness is made whole,
where there is freedom to fail,
where there is freedom to confront sin,
where there is grace for mistakes and disappointments,
where we face our flaws head-on,
where we are known, loved, and accepted.

Friends, I know this is a glorious view of friendships that we haven't achieved yet. But because we are His and have His Spirit, let's aim for glory, while cherishing God's dearly-bought grace for our failures.

More on practical ways to do this coming soon!

September 30, 2014